I am at the edge of my depressing state. I don't want to be here. Euphoria has hit an all time high and I am realizing how much of my life I am not living. I desire to be alone all the time as of late. I have been telling untruths to people I care for deeply all because of my selfish behavior.

Last Wednesday felt good. I was in complete euphoria. Thursday was even better. Never have I felt such happiness constantly in a span of two days with two different people. They cannot be compared. They cannot compete with one another because both are on different levels of what makes me happy.

If I could mesh the two together I would. But this is me being selfish again.

Today my happiness has been deflated. And my happy high has now drastically fallen and I just feel super depressed. Similar to a drug, I want more. I want more of what makes me happy. Though lying is not the best way to achieve my happiness. Another reason why I should feel horrible. Keeping secrets takes a toll on my mental and emotional health.